Kyle's Secret
by renabop
Summary: Kyle's got a secret, along with everyone else in south park.one shot. I suck at summaries! oh well, please read anyway!


**There is waaaaayyy too many serious stories on here and not enough humor. So I decided to write a humor story! And I got to thinking that in every. Single. Story. Kyle is gay. Not that I think that's wrong, I love style :3. And Dip. And creek. Anyway, so I got to thinking, what if, stick with me here, Kyle **_**wasn't gay!**_** So I present to you, one of the only stories that kyle is straight on here. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned south park, I would be dating Kenny. So… as much as I wish, I do not. I also do not own facebook, or I would be rich.**

I am certain Kyle likes me back. He must, right?

Right?

Otherwise why would we be super best friends, have so much in common, and just have a spark in general?

I had come to terms with the fact im gay for kyle. I hadn't come out yet, but if kyle admitted he liked me, you know I would go running out of the closet like it was on fire.

Unfortunately he has't. But he must soon. But the only thing is… he started dating bebe today. Bebe, that stupid, backstabbing, ditsy whore. I had told her about my crush on kyle, and what had she done? Gone and dated him. Bitch.

I make a decision. Wether kyle likes me or not, I'm coming out to him tommorow. Rain or shine. Tomorrow is the day.

Tomorrow.

I wake up panting.

My hoodie's laying on the ground beside my bed. Shit.

Another dream about him.

I wish that gay wad would admit he's gay already so I could bone him.

I guess I would have to make the first move on the little ginger boy. Well, far from a boy, in my opinion. I grin.

It's obvious stan's gay for him too, but if he hasn't made a move yet, he obviously isn't interested.

Even if he is, screw him.

Kyle's mine. All mine.

Even if it will take him a bit of a push to realize it.

Tomorrow ill bone him.

I promise. I need this to be over.

I sigh. I grab my sock from my drawer.

Tomorrow.

I pull my hair in frustration.

I swear I'll be bald by 20 if that boy is around me any more.

To bad I love him. I also can't _stand him!_

That retarded little jew has posted on facebook that he's in a relationship.

With bebe. Bebe, the airhead.

Doesn't he realize he would be better with someone more intellectual?

Or maybe hes too stuburn. He gets that from his mother's jersey family.

His mom's a bitch. Im not over exaggerating either.

She started a freaking war because kyle let a couple of curse words slip. Yeah. If we ever got married, which is quite impossible, because I would kill him before he made it to the altar, we would _not_ take his name. I don't wan't anything to do with his jewish family and their weird traditions.

Anyway, I know kyle's a fag. I also know hes too much of a pussy to admit that. I can't really say anything though. I haven't come out yet either. But that will change soon.

Very soon. Maybe even tomorrow.

Yeah, tomorrow sounds good.

Tomorrow.

I hang up the phone. Tweek Tweak has called me once again, asking if I wanted to come over for coffee, despite the fact it's 6:00 in the afternoon. That boy is so desperate.

To bad im not interested.

It's not that it's not gay. In fact I think the only gay people in the whole 9th grade class are me, tweek, and kyle.

Even though kyle's in the closet.

It's probably why I want him so much. I love fixing things that are broken.

I flick off the mental image of tweek hanging all over me, ruining my chances with kyle.

I wonder if he'll ever get the hint.

It's not that I don't like tweek, I do. It's just I used to have a crush on him, but he ingnored me, oblivious to the world. Now he realizes that I liked him, and wants me to love him again. But I guess it's too little, too late.

I love kyle now.

I mean it, I have loved him ever since elementary. But him not noticing me has gone on too long. I have to do something dramatic. Something over the top.

Not many people know this, but I am a wonderful singer.

That's it! Ill sing a song to kyle.

Right in the middle of lunch where everyone can see.

And if he doesn't accept that he's a retard with no sense or romance.

Tomorrow.

Everything starts tomorrow.

_**Next day**_

I had just made it to my locker when I saw the note from Stan.

_Meet me in the janitor's closet before homeroom_

_~ Stan_

I had to hurry if I wanted to make it our meeting before homeroom. I grab my stuff and head to the little closet reserved for the janitor, though he leaves it unlocked, and kid's just go in there to talk or make out.

I pull open the door and quickly slip in.

"Stan?" I whisper. No response.

"Stan." I say a little louder.

"yeah. I'm here." He says quietly, making me jump. He's close enough for me to feel his hot breath on my cheek. I blush for some reason unknown, probably because I'm not used to guys being this close.

"What's up?" I ask, backing away.

"well…." He says quietly.

"Just spit it out." I was getting annoyed.

There was a long pause.

I opened my mouth to speak, but found something blocking my ability to speak.

Oh yeah, that would be stan's lips on mine.

I jump back, wiping my lips on my sleve.

"dude, what the fuck?" I scream.

"I love you!" He says loudly.

I shake my head, and manage to reach the handle on the door and turn it.

I dash out, running away from that moment, confused.

"Kyle, wait!" stan yells after me, but I don't listen.

I keep running.

I burst into my chemistry room.

The teacher lifts his eyebrows. "kyle, your late…"

"yeah, I woke up late." I manage to say quietly, as I sit down.

I look to my only friend in this class, Kenny. He gives me a curious look, but say nothing.

I get halfway through chemistry before I feel a piece of paper hit me in the back of my head.

I pick up the crumpled piece of paper off the floor.

"_I'm sooo bored…"_

It's kenny's handwriting. I pick up my pencil.

" _yeah… me too."_

"_wanna get out of here and do something not boring?" _Comes the reply. Normally I would say no, but I really need a cigarette. So when the bell rings, we bothe head outside the back of the school.

" so…" says Kenny, lighting my cigarette.

"Stan kissed me." I blurt out.

He looks at me shocked.

"He said he loved me, but I don't feel that way about him…"

He looks at me calmly. I can't help looking looking into his emerald eyes…

"Stan can't love you." He whispers.

"Why?"

"because I do." He answers calmly, putting out his cig.

"what?" I look at him shocked.

"oh please. Don't give me that whole I'm not gay bull." He says, pushing me up against a the brick wall, rubbing my thigh.

"But… but…" I stutter.

"Shhhh, just enjoy…" he whispers in my ear.

I push him off me, running back in the school, leaving a half burning cigarette, and a shocked Kenny behind me.

**Craigs POV**

Everything was in place.

I looked at token.

He nodded. He was ready.

I looked at tweak. He nodded shakily. He was probably dying inside.

I looked at clyde. He mouthed "are you sure?"

I nodded, and he mouthed "okay."

My friends agreed to helping me with this. They're understanding like that. And tweek probably thinks it won't work, and I'll fall into his arms. Sorry tweeky-boy, this is going to work. It has to.

Kyle looks distant. This'll bring him to his senses.

Token starts clapping. Clyde pulls out his guitar. I start to sing:

Here we go again, I kinda want to be more than friends  
>So take it easy on me, I'm afraid you're never satisfied<br>Here we go again, we're sick like animals, we play pretend  
>You're just a cannibal and I'm afraid I won't get out alive<br>No, I won't sleep tonight

Oh, oh, I want some more  
>Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?<br>Take a bite of my heart tonight

Oh, oh, I want some more  
>Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?<br>What are you waiting for?  
>Say goodbye to my heart tonight<p>

Here we are again, I feel the chemicals kicking in  
>It's getting heavy and I want to run and hide<br>I want to run and hide  
>I do it every time, you're killing me now<br>And I won't be denied by you, the animal inside of you

Oh, oh, I want some more  
>Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?<br>Take a bite of my heart tonight 

Oh, oh, I want some more  
>Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?<br>What are you waiting for?  
>Say goodbye to my heart tonight<p>

Hush, hush, the world is quiet  
>Hush, hush, we both can't fight it<br>It's us that made this mess  
>Why can't you understand?<p>

Whoa, I won't sleep tonight  
>I won't sleep tonight<br>Here we go again

Oh, oh, I want some more  
>Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?<br>Take a bite of my heart tonight

Oh, oh, I want some more  
>Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?<br>What are you waiting for?  
>What are you waiting<p>

Here we go again, oh, oh  
>Here we go again, oh, oh<br>Here we go again, oh, oh  
>Say goodbye to my heart tonight<p>

Oh, oh, I want some more  
>Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?<br>What are you waiting for?  
>Say goodbye to my heart tonight<p>

Kyle sits there with his mouth open.

I smirk, "so what do you say?"

"HAS THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD GONE GAY?"

He yells before running out of the cafeteria.

Tears cloud my vision. Tweak comes up and hugs me.

I can only think of one thing.

Kyle yelling those words.

The world has always been gay, you're just waking up to it.

I am blushing furiously as I race down the hallway.

I can't stand it anymore.

I walk straight out the door, relief flooding through me.

I start heading away from the school, oblivious to the world. Im not sure where I'll go.

I defiantly won't go home, my mom would kill me for skipping. Maybe I can go to Stark's pond.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

I change my path and start heading towards stark's pond.

I suddenly hear crunching footsteps behind me. I spin around and see the person I have been enemies with since 3rd grade.

Eric Theodore Cartman.

He's racist, anti- Semitic, evil, manipulative, and spoiled.

But believe it or not, I actually kind of want to see him. Because he's the only person I know for sure isn't gay. But I wouldn't tell him that.

"go away, fatass." I mutter.

"nope" he says cheerily.

"Im not in the mood."

"oh well, suck it up. So where are you going? Shouldn't you be in school?" he wonders.

"shouldn't you? And stark's pond." I snap at him, then regret it.

"don't get sand in your vagina now. Can I come?"

I look at him questionably.

"you know, because I have nothing else to do."

"uh-huh…"

We start walking in rhythm to the pond, and it isn't long till we arrive.

We sit down on the log bench, and I start tossing rocks in the pond. We don't speak.

Suddenly he breaks the silence.

"Kyle, Iloveyou." His words mash together.

"wait, what?" My head whirls around to see him looking at his feet.

"well, you see, I've always love you, but I know you hate me, so I went along with it to get closer with you, even though it's not the way I want to be. You're so frustrating! Your stubborn and stupid and have the wrong views and I hate you and I love you!"

He lunges for me and our teeth smash together, but I push him off.

"Not you too! Ugh, this is so weird and confusing!" I storm off, running to my house and not looking back.

I just hear cartman whisper, from the ground,

"Kyle wait…"

**Kyle's POV**

Im on facebook, when I get a wonderful idea.

I don't have to talk to them separately, I can have a big group meeting!

I message each of them:

"_Meet me at stark's pond at 8:00 Saturday. Come alone. There's something I have to tell you._

_-kyle"_

**Stan's POV**

I collapse in my computer chair.

I know kyle doesn't wan't to see me, or talk to me, but we need to talk. And I know one way ill get through to him quick.

Facebook.

I log in, and see a new message button with a red 1 on it. I click on it, and see it's from kyle.

My heart soars.

Now I don't have to get through to him.

I read the message and my heart plummets.

What if he wants to tell me he never wants to talk to me again?

But what if he wants to tell me he loves me?

Im so confused, especially since the message was sent to me, Kenny, craig, and cartman. What? What could he be planning?

Guess we'll find out tonight.

**Stark's pond, 8:00 pm on Saturday**

_Stan's POV_

I'm here.

Where is he?

Im not sure what to expect. Maybe tragedy, or joy. Or maybe more confusion.

I don't know.

I see Cartman walk up to the log bench, and sits next to me, raising the seat.

"where the fuck is the jew asshole?"

"I don't know."

Soon craig and Kenny join us, and we just sit there awkwardly for a while.

Then Kyle shows up.

He's wearing some jeans that make his ass look wonderful, and a button up shirt. He looks casual, but still business. And he isn't wearing his hat, but he straightened his hair. Damn. He looks so hot like that.

It's all I can do not to jump him. But I resist.

"good your all here." He claps his hands together.

"so what is it?" craig looks bored.

"well I wanted to talk to you all at once, to get this over with."

Over with? I wonder.

Suddenly Bebe, god I hate her, walks out and stands next to kyle. Then A blonde girl with her hair in green bows and pigtails goes out too. Kyle puts his hands around both of their waists.

My heart breaks.

"I just wanted you all to meet my _girlfriends_. Plural." He sighs.

"I am not gay, and im sorry I couldn't be for you. I like girls. I'm sorry." He turns (the girls turning with him) and they walk away.

The blonde girl turns around and winks at us.

You know, if you squinted your eyes, she kinda looks like _butters….._


End file.
